I am ready to admit that I'm not the best when it comes to studies and I'm also ready to give excuses. I don't enjoy studying. Or more so, memorizing things and then pouring them out on paper. Being able to memorize doesn't make one smart.
I much prefer discussions. Open talks about anything that include opinions and proven facts. I like wisdom and lessons we learn from our experiences. That's what we can't get by sitting in a classroom for an hour while your teacher is going on and on about a topic you fail to find interest in while your stomach growls so loud, you're getting odd glares from the person next to you.
Now don't get me wrong, schools are wonderful and I did learn a whole lot but I would say that the majority of what I "learnt", I forgot. Why? Because it wasn't necessary for my everyday life. It wasn't something I wanted or felt the need to know so I never bothered to keep it in my head.
Yet, don't even get me started on the pressure to do well. The constant pressure to get straight A's, "or else..". The continues fear of not being good enough that was planted in our heads from day one. The fact that we were taught that if we don't do well, we become the so labeled as "losers" or a "failures" and these are words no 12 year old ever wanted to go near and ever hear.
Yet here I am at 18, mad at this. I am not my GPA, I'm thoughts and ideas and drawings and light movements and many cups of coffee. I am who chose a major that fits me. Yet, why am I sleepless at 1:34 AM on a Friday thinking of all the thoughts "they" have about me and everything they expect from me and how much I'm not living up to them? Why can't I be the one that decides if I'm happy with myself or not? Why have I let their words haunt me so much that I believed them?
Nevertheless, I am not a disappointment. I am not a failure. I am not a loser. I am not an underachiever and I am certainly not a no-hoper.
I am Shouq. I am a name and many ideas and thoughts.
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