In my head..

Going through your day and all that you think about is ways to run away from everything and everyone. Your mind goes through a million thought every second and you just end up being depressed and crying. You wake up every morning and hate the fact that you're still alive and that you have to fake a smile all day. Everything seems perfectly fine from the outside but once you start thinking about it, you'll only then realize how messed up everything is and how everything is just so wrong. You're happy, you just have your ups and downs and lately it has been mostly downs.You don't hate people but you'll just do anything to stay alone and when you do, only then you'll notice that staying alone isn't as bad as everyone describes it to be. And then you get those sudden mood swings that no one will ever understand you can't control very easily but you only learn to simply deal with it. It costs pushing people away and hating the fact that some people are close to you but you don't mean to do all of that, it just happens. You try to be as happy as possible but most of the times you just fail miserably. Having depression, crying yourself to sleep and waking up in the middle of the night became a totally normal "routine" and you just dealt with it all and now it became a way of living that not everyone will understand because not everyone have gone through it like you did. You keep telling yourself "Its just a phase that will go by". Sometimes it helps but most of the times it doesn't and you go through your day with a fake smile and a mind that yells "DEATH DEATH" every. single. second.